Gobble gobble bébé, 

The first time I cooked Thanksgiving dinner, I was a teenager. My dad woke me and my sister up in a panic, declaring Thanksgiving had been canceled because my mom was feeling ill. After processing the initial disappointment of missing out on Thanksgiving, I was confident I could prepare the meal. I volunteered to cook and, from that day on, became the family Thanksgiving chef. I slathered the enormous bird in butter, draped it in foil, and popped it into the oven basting it every half hour. Then, I got to work on the casseroles, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. Several hours later, delighted, I presented the feast to my family.

Since then, I’ve hosted many of these feasts for work, family, and friends. I recently scrolled through my photos to relive some Friendsgivings Romaine and I have hosted together. In 2017, we moved into our first home together in Prospect Heights, Brooklyn, a 1.5-bedroom apartment with a beautiful kitchen and an open layout living room: the perfect space for hosting. At the time, we were into doing the most in the kitchen. I roasted a turkey, prepared a bunch of sides, and Romaine took several days to prepare a porchetta. I can remember my friends’ horror-stricken faces as flames flew up the side of the pan as Romaine fried the porchetta in a pot of oil. Aside from the slight fire drama, we had a fabulous time. The meal was delicious because of the contributions everyone made, and we were happy to be with friends we love dearly.

In 2019, we moved to Paris, and I wanted to host Friendsgiving to ease homesickness. Also, I'll happily use any excuse to throw a fête. I fretted about finding a turkey, cranberries, and ingredients that would have been easy to find back home. After some research and trekking all over Paris, we found most of what we needed. Our volaille stand at the marché had turkeys for pre-order and told us that a number of Americans ordered them each year. When Romaine and I arrived to pick up the turkey, the kind butcher prepared it for us and even removed all the tendons from the legs. We were delighted and impressed at this level of skill and applauded him. The butcher, amused by the expressive Americans, wrapped up our turkey and presented it to us with an extra flourish. I wondered if our tiny apartment and creaky floors could handle such a large crowd and worried that my mean downstairs neighbor would come upstairs to yell at us about the noise–which he regularly did if we made a peep after the unspoken "no noise after 10 pm" rule. 

The weekend after Thanksgiving day, we hosted 15 or so of my fellow culinary students and their friends in our charming but tiny apartment in the 11th arrondissement.  Our home was too small to accommodate that many people, but I couldn't resist inviting this fabulous crew of international students who'd only seen Thanksgiving on TV and Americans excited to have a taste of home. People were in chairs, on the floor, and since the guest list was mostly culinary school students, they all tried to hang out in our tiny kitchen tasting everything and trying to help out. We crowded into that small space, set up a buffet, and had an epic feast, complete with some friends who tried mac and cheese for the first time.

Friendsgiving is essentially a potluck meal where everyone brings a dish to contribute. I've attended too many potlucks that need the essentials: napkins, utensils, or plates. Or where all the guests bring one type of food—all desserts or salads. To prevent this, I send out a planning document with important details a few weeks before the event so my guests have ample time to think about what to bring and to prepare (or purchase) their dishes. It began as a spreadsheet with colorful columns and slots to sign up for things. Over the past few years, I changed the format into a simple doc that is more approachable.

I send a planning document for several reasons: 

• Efficiency and streamlined communications - I value my time, and instead of having the same conversation many times, I place answers to the general logistical details in this document. I prefer to spend my energy answering one-off questions and enjoying my life.

• I want to set my guests up for success - When a diverse group of people comes together, each guest brings different traditions and expectations around gathering. Be explicit rather than assume that a guest will show up how you want them to. Set people up for success by telling them what to do, bring, and wear. I even share the schedule and flow of the evening.

• I want to be inclusive - Include a spot for your guests to list their dietary restrictions so that people can be considerate when they plan their dishes. 

• A balanced menu - It's great to have a document to see how the menu is shaping up. Guests can decide what they want to contribute, adding their creative touch to the meal. 

Here is a link to a template version of this document. Feel free to make a copy of the sheet, edit it as you want, and share it with your friends or family. I apologize for sharing this document so close to the date; I changed my mind about what I wanted to write to you about yesterday.

For the first time in a while, I'm not hosting Thanksgiving. Instead, we're going to our dear friends' home. As much as I love to receive people in our home, I'm always grateful when people invite us over. For this year's Friendsgiving, I've contributed my planning document to our group, and I'm making the turkey, gravy, and corn casserole. Romaine is cooking his famous macaroni and cheese (recipe is in the link below). I'm looking forward to getting glam, putting on a cute fit, eating good food, and hanging out with loved ones and new friends.

Bisous, 

Jen

Moments of Everyday Opulence - Thanksgiving Edit

Small things that make my day-to-day feel more luxurious

Romaine's Mac and Cheese recipe: Romaine wrote this recipe for Le Dinner Party, and though I'm biased, I can confirm that it is the best mac and cheese you'll make, and the one we serve at Chez Kim-Martin.

Dry brining technique: Always dry brine your poultry. It will impart flavor and moisture and make your life easier. 

Mama Stamberg's Cranberry Relish: I much prefer this zesty horseradish-y outrageously pink sauce to cranberry sauce. The tanginess from the sour cream and horseradish punch cuts through the sides' richness. The only modification I make to this recipe is to double (or triple) the horseradish the recipe calls for.

If you're hosting, prepare deli containers, foil containers, or Tupperware that you don't mind giving away so guests can take home leftovers. 

Ask for help. That could mean asking someone to bring a dish, to help set up, or to be in charge of vibes (music). As someone who struggles to ask for help, I've found that asking your guests to help is a good thing. People are always excited to share and contribute.

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